NORFOLK, Va. – For two hours last Saturday morning, as more than 600 of his closest friends listened and grieved, the story of the incredible life of Darryl Cummings was told by those who loved him most.
I thought I knew Darryl pretty well. He graduated from Norview High a decade after me. He learned how to play tennis on the courts at Norfolk's Northside Park. He was a brilliant, eclectic man who had a tremendous impact on local tennis.
But I didn't know about the horrific childhood that scarred him, the immense obstacles he had to overcome that surely was why he always sought affirmation and considered everyone he met to be a friend.
I leave it to Clark, one of his two sons, to tell his Dad's story.
"He was an only child raised by his mother and grandmother," Clark said. "He never knew his father.
"His mother, Shirley, passed away during his junior year in high school. They had moved more than a dozen times in the Norview and Ocean View area.
"His senior year, he stayed with a family because his cousin moved to a different area. He was pretty much independent from this point on in his life.
"He met his father once. They spent a day together in Memphis and toured Graceland. His father committed suicide in the fall of 2004.
"He spent one total day with his father. He lived in a trailer, raised by a single parent, who passed away at a young age. He was lucky to graduate from high school, and who barely made it into college and met his father for one day who later committed suicide.
"The odds were stacked against him."
Yet Cummings had a great life and touched the lives of hundreds, if not thousands of people in his short 59 years on earth.
Cummings died in late November from a heart attack in Florida. The grief caused by his unexpected passing was apparent in the words and emotions expressed by family and friends.
Tears flowed freely during his celebration of life, held in the Folkes-Stevens Tennis Center, the incredible indoor tennis center that has helped make Old Dominion a national power in both men's and women's tennis.
Darryl Cummings with Sugie and Jim Jarrett (photo courtesy of Kathryn Barrett).
Veteran WAVY-TV news reporter Andy Fox, the master of ceremonies, called the center "the house that Darryl built." And he is right.
During his 20 years as the ODU women's coach – he also coached the Monarch men the last 17 – Cummings won 563 matches and was named Colonial Athletic Association Coach of the Year six times. And during those two decades, he advocated for a new indoor center, raising much of the money for the facility on his own.
"The tennis center happened at ODU because of Darryl Cummings," said Roy Beskin, a Virginia Beach businessman and a patron in the local tennis community, including the ODU center.
That would be in itself a remarkable career. But he did so much more.
He coached at Virginia Wesleyan, Norfolk State and Hampden-Sydney and ran a tennis center in Virginia Beach. He nurtured the careers of hundreds of young people, and not just by teaching them how to hit a yellow ball with a racket.
He taught people about life, about doing the right thing, though not always with a subtle tone. Those who knew him well recalled that he could be sarcastic, though always with love in his heart.
He teamed with fellow Norfolk natives Dave Howell and Steve Clark to create the Universal Tennis Ratings system, now used by nearly every tennis organization around the globe to seed tournaments. The system they painstakingly created has resulted in far more competitive matches in tournaments from the Hamptons to India.
Virginian-Pilot story on Universal Tennis Ratings
And he touched so many lives, including Amy Morrisey Turk, who was one of his first recruits at ODU. Amy is now a prominent attorney at McGuire Woods, a downtown Norfolk law firm.
"Darryl Cummings changed the trajectory of my life," she said, shedding tears as she spoke at the celebration of life.
"But for being given that scholarship, I would not have gone to law school because I would not have been able to afford both.
"I would not have had the career I have. And I would not have met my husband, who I met in Norfolk, nor had the two beautiful little girls that I have now.
"And you know what sucks guys? I never really sat down and analyzed all that until I got the text that Darryl had passed. Shame on me for not analyzing the impact he had on my life.
Darryl Cummings, center, with future ODU Women's Tennis coach Dom Manilla at far right.
"I mean, I talked to Darryl every couple of months. But he lived 10 miles down the street from me. I should have seen him more.
"And it's not just the trajectory of my life. Let's talk about all of the Brazilians and Swedes and others who came here to play tennis for Darryl and all got married and stayed in Norfolk."
Many of those international players Cummings recruited came from backgrounds not unlike his own. While playing tennis in Europe may sound exotic, the truth is that many he recruited were poor or from broken families and played so hard and so well for ODU because they were hungry for success.
Jena Virga, who heads the Old Dominion Athletic Foundation, was among those stunned to learn his true life story at his celebration of life.
"It crushed me to hear what he endured," she said. "When I heard that, I thought, that guy was put on this planet to do a lot of good. He came from nothing to become an incredible mentor to so many people.
"He was bigger than life. He just pushed and advocated for tennis."
Bigger than life? Yes he was. He commanded your attention and respect without saying a word.
Fox's description of a trip he took with Cummings said it best.
"When we arrived, it was as if Moses were crossing the Red Sea and the waters parted and people in this facility just clamored to be with him," Fox said. "He was like walking cotton candy. Everyone wanted to be with him."
He also had a bit of Mark Twain in him. Kellye McNulty used to drop her two daughters, Ally and Olivia, at the Cape Henry Racquet Club. One afternoon she drove up to see her daughters painting the front deck.
"He got free work out of the kids and made them think it was fun," she said. "He bought then some pizza. The youngest one says, 'Can we go back tomorrow and do that again? I love that painting.'
"I just thought, only Darryl could get away with that. I just loved him."
Beskin met Cummings when he was young and hungry. Beskin plays tennis and when Norfolk built Northside Park's tennis center 50 years ago, for a time it was the center of tennis in Hampton Roads.
Cummings was then a skinny, 14-year-old kid with bright red hair and a racket that came from who knows where because he had no money. Steve Cutchin, then the pro at Northside, and Beskin took him under their wings.
"Roy and Steve saved my father's life," Clark said.
"It was the entire tennis community who took Darryl in," Beskin said. "He would come to our homes on weekends and holidays because he had nowhere else to go.
"I knew him at the darkest moment. I saw the pain he felt, the sense of being lost you feel when you don't know where you're going to be staying or how you're going to live."
For a while, Cummings was homeless as a teenager.
But he had grit. He would show up at Northside every day and hit tennis balls up against a wall before being summoned on the court to test his skills against Beskin and Cutchin.
"We tested the mettle of everyone there," Beskin said. "Darryl was the toughest kid there. Not the most talented, but the toughest.
"The harder you were on him, the harder he came back. He willed himself into becoming a good tennis player."
Beskin and Cutchin supported Cummings financially and Cutchin drove him to a match to see a coach at Lees-McCrae College, then a junior college. That got him into school. He eventually transferred to ODU, and although he was an outstanding player for the Monarchs, he did not graduate.
Then, when Cummings was 27, ODU Athletic Director Jim Jarrett took a huge chance and hired Cummings as the Monarchs' women's tennis coach. At the time, Cummings was a bit rough around the edges and did not have a college degree.
Sugie Jarrett befriended Darryl Cummings when he was young and struggling. Photo courtesy of Kathryn Barrett.
Jim, of course, is married to Sugie Jarrett, who worked at the Virginia Beach Tennis & Country Club in Virginia Beach and also looked after Cummings.
"Jim had never hired anyone without a college degree," Sugie said. "It just wasn't done."
"Jim told him, 'You've got a year to finish your degree or I'm going to fire you." Darryl finished. He worked hard and finished."
In his 20 years at ODU, Cummings built the foundation for the now nationally-prominent men's and women's programs now headed by Dom Mueller and Dom Manilla, respectively.
Darryl was not only a brilliant, successful man, he was always a tremendous father and husband. That was so apparent at his celebration of life.
That his former wife, Julie Tupper, remained a good friend and a part of his family after they divorced speaks to the incredible love of family that Darryl possessed.
"Julie was such a huge part of Darryl's success at ODU," Virga said. "She made all of those recruits feel like family."
Darryl remarried Beth Gregory, whose previous husband, Bob Ashe, died in 2008 and became a father figure to her daughter, Jessica Ashe.
Jessica remembers that the adjustment to joining a blended family wasn't easy. He was just four.
"But having Darryl, Clark and Connor come into my life, into my Mom's life, was such a blessing," she said.
"He taught me how to drive and he helped me find colleges. He taught me so many life lessons.
"He listened to my teenage drama growing up and made me laugh when I needed it.
"I feel pretty special knowing that both Darryl and my Dad are watching me in Heaven as I go through life. I'll always have them with me."
He took his family to so many outings in an RV, nicknamed "Big Thor," to the U.S. Open, concerts, Major League Baseball Games and once, on a cross-country trip.
During that trip, the RV stopped in Dyersville, Iowa, to the baseball facility built in a cornfield that was the setting for the KevinCostner movie, "Field of Dreams."
Anyone guy who misses his father cries during one of the last scenes asCostner, reunited with his dead father on the baseball field, asks him, "Dad, would you like to have a catch?"
The Folkes-Stevens Tennis Center is described as the house Darry Cummings built.
After the Cummings family finished the tour of the facility, Darryl sat in the swing on the front porch overlooking the field. And he began to cry, unashamedly, in front of his family.
"He cried because he never had the experience of playing catch with his father," Clark said. "And now he had two sons who played vital roles in his life, two sons that he played every sport with, two sons he loved with his whole heart, two sons who adored him."
Clark told the story of Connor picking him up at the Norfolk International Airport last week soon after his father died. They missed the turn off of Norview Avenue to get onto the interstate. Both both agreed that God had his hands on the steering wheel.
They took a right on Chesapeake Boulevard and drove past Norview High School and then past so many of the places his father had lived.
"As tears streamed down our faces, Connor shared that he was there with my dad a few weeks ago, test driving a Tesla," Clark said. "And my dad showed him all of the places he lived.
"There was a reason we missed that turn. We needed to remember where my father came from and who he was."
It was appropriate, and at the same time unusual, for his celebration of life to be held at ODU. The University last hosted such a ceremony for women's basketball All-American Anne Donovan in 2018.
Dr. Wood Selig, ODU's director of athletics, immediately recognized that the family would need a large facility and quickly offered it to the family. It proved to be the perfect venue.
That evening, ODAF hosted a reception at Chartway Arena during the ODU-James Madison men's basketball game in the club section, and dozens of Cummings family members and friends attended.
During the first half, Clark, Connor, Jessica and Beth were introduced, along with Selig, at center court. They drew a standing ovation from the crowd of 8,504, the largest ever for a basketball game at Chartway Arena.
"The family is so appreciative for all that Wood Selig did for us this week," said Connor, who will graduate with an ODU degree in May. "We will forever be grateful."
Cummings family with Dr. Wood Selig. ODU's Director of Athletics.
Dom Manilla played for Cummings at ODU and tennis players being tennis players, they often did not get along. As Fox noted, they once went six months without speaking.
But Saturday morning, Manilla unsuccessfully choked back tears as he spoke about Darryl.
"Back in February, I was in a hotel room seeking some guidance about a consequential decision I needed to make for the team," Manilla said. "We talked for about an hour. I got to the point where I was able to thank him, and I really laid it on, and I was really able to thank him for everything.
"And I told him how much he meant to me. And what a big part of my life he was. I'm really happy I did that."
His last conversation with Darryl was on a phone call as he and Beth drove to Florida about a week before he died.
"He invited me and my family to go to church with him," Dom said. "I was like, hmm, this is new, I wasn't expecting this.
"It became such a happy conversation. He was talking about this church like it was a cool sporting event. He was amped about the pastor, the band, and the whole experience. He was so pumped about God in a way it seemed like he hadn't been before. And Beth brought that to him.
"And then a week later, this happened.
"I can't help but think that, you know, things happen for a reason. God was watching over Darryl and God will watch over Jessica, Clark and Connor, Beth and Julie, and all of our friends.
"I know that Darryl has his phone out. He's watching Mickey Mantle take batting practice. He's on the sideline with John Madden. He's at a Prince concert. He's in the front row at Wimbledon. He's at the Cape and it's packed. He's here with all of us.
"Darryl is in heaven. I'm so proud of Darryl. And I'll miss him."
As I listened to Manilla speak, I was drawn back to the words spoken by David Colonna, pastor of Trinity Church, which has locations all over Hampton Roads, as the service began.
He began by reminding people that while Christmas is a time of joy for most of us, for the homeless, the sick, those with broken families or who have lost loved ones, it can be a time of excruciating pain.
Lift those up around you, he said, adding: "As I spoke with Darryl's family, not one of them mentioned how much they loved their dad because of how many matches his teams won. No. instead, they described how much they loved Darryl because he was selfless. They praised him for being a man who was giving and constantly sacrificing for others.
"They celebrated how Darryl was inclusive and always gave people a chance. What made Darryl great was not his actions on the court, but his actions off it it.
"Darryl's life and death remind us that life is a gift.
"Life is something not to be taken for granted. It is a gift from God.
"It should cause all of us to consider how we spend the days we have left."
Minium is ODU's senior executive writer for athletics. Contact him at hminium@odu.edu or follow him on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram
Minium: Message From Celebration of Life for Darryl Cummings: Make the Most of Your Limited Time on Earth
